Early Days of Grief #2
The Elvis miracle on January 6, 2021 proved Alex could reach me. But the first days, weeks, months? Pure fight-or-flight chaos. Signs were everywhere—I just didn’t recognize them until later. Lots of them.
The Raw Truth Alex passed in the middle of the night on October 6, 2020. I found him around 4 PM after returning home from work. By October 7, I was drinking— daily. It didn’t stop for two years. Sleep? Gone. Woke up squalling, went to bed the same. Couldn’t breathe. Blood pressure through the roof. Within 48 hours: Klonopin, Buspar, daily antidepressant. Those pills carried me for three years—one breath at a time.
My Biggest Mistakes
- Numbing the pain — Alcohol + meds dulled it, but delayed healing.
- Inviting too many in — I didn’t push people away; I let everyone in without judgment. Some helped. Others took advantage.
- Missing the signs — They were all around me (feathers, numbers, songs)—I was too broken to see.
- No self-care — Except one thing: I bathed. As a Cancer, water is my healer. Sometimes 2-3 times a day. Long, hot baths—my only peace.
Who Carried Me When I Couldn’t Walk
- Immediate family — Lacie, Faith, my husband. They cooked, cleaned, sat in silence.
- My best friend — Showed up daily. Held me when I couldn’t stand.
- Our team members — Running 6 companies was impossible. I was honest: “I’m broken. I need time.” They stepped up. Covered shifts, handled crises, kept marinas and restaurants running. Most people were understanding—it showed me how much support I truly had. People come together in tragedy—it’s a miracle I’ll never forget.
The Dark Side I was taken advantage of in my darkest moments—people I trusted. More on that later. Both triumphs and huge mistakes filled those months.
To You in the Early Days Hang on. One minute. One hour. Choose carefully who you let in—not everyone deserves your pain. Look back later—your signs are there, even if you can’t see them now. You’re not weak for meds, drinking, or collapsing. You’re human. The signs will make sense. First? Survive. Let love—and water—carry you. I’ve been there. If you need someone, reach out. I’ll do all I can to help you through these days.
I’m proof: Five years later, sober, breathing, healing. You will be too.
Your Turn Who did you let in too soon? Comment below—I read every one. Next: “
Planning Alex’s Service – When the World Expected Me to Function
#LiveMoreLikeAlex #EarlyGrief #ChildLoss #GriefMistakes #HangOn #ReachOut #GriefSupport