The days between Alex’s earthly passing and planning his service were extremely painful and time passed so quickly. I had so much help from family and friends that I am not sure how I would have survived these days without them.
I had already begun studying communicating with our loved ones after their earthly passing and one of the things that I kept reading about was talking to them out loud and asking for their guidance. Asking their spirit to be with you and give you signs of affirmation that they were still close.
Alex had just recently lost a very close friend and as a family, we had all sat down and discussed what we would want were something to happen to one of us. I knew Alex’s wishes (some of which were comical and impossible to fill) but, I was determined to give him the celebration he wanted. Only problem was, I had no idea how to go about doing this. I talked to him the night before I was to give the funeral home a list of how his service would be held. I begged him for his guidance. I cried out to him and asked for his help.
I went to sleep and the next morning when I woke, I knew exactly who to call and what to do. Alex let me know, he had answered me and it was loud and clear. We did not have a preacher and chose to have his service and visitation at the funeral home.
Upon waking, I immediately called Alex’s drag mom, Vegas Van Dank. Vegas was/is by all means Alex’s other mom. Vegas gave Lychee (Alex’s drag name) all the guidance and support that I could not give him when it came to pursuing his dream of performing and being a part of a drag family. They (Alex/Lychee) loved Vegas and respected her and all that she stood for, always referring to her as mom. Their relationship was extremely special and full of love. Family is the only word to describe Vegas and the Van Danks. I am forever thankful for the family that we have gained through the Van Danks.
After talking to Vegas, I called Alex’s third mom, Adoree DeLuca whom was his work mom and close friend. Alex adored Adoree and her son, and spent many hours off the clock just hanging out with them. She had become a household name and Alex truly loved her. He worried about her when she had health issues, personal issues, kid issues, work issues … you name it. She has a very outgoing personality and is by no means shy. I knew her words at his service would be perfect and that he had put it on my heart for her to do so. She delivered and it was beautiful. I know how proud he was/is for the amazing dedication to his life.
My third talk was to my girls, Lacie and Faith. I asked if they would be the 3rd and 4th speakers at his service because we all knew how much he adored and loved his sisters. There are no words to describe the bonds between the 3 of them, other than pure love. The kind of love that it doesn’t matter how mad we make each other, we are still each others biggest fans and supporters kind of love. I know the decision to do this was very hard for them as this is their brother and Lacie had never spoken in front of a crowd. Not even in a classroom. They somehow, with the help of their brother I am sure, mustered up the strength and did a phenomenal job honoring their brother.
After making all the necessary phone calls, I thanked Alex for his guidance. I knew in my heart that he led me because I went to bed not knowing and woke up completely KNOWING.
The day of his service was the first day that I did not have a complete 2 – 3 hour breakdown as soon as I woke up. I felt him that day, all day. It was as if he had his arms around me and and I could truly feel him. He had to make sure I was strong because he needed me to be mom for all of his friends and family that were grieving and in pain. I knew he was my strength and he was letting me know that I did all I could to respect his wishes and honor him. His service was perfect. His body was beautiful. He never left my side that day. It is a feeling that I will never forget and I could not thank him enough.